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Alex “CaddyShack” Abramowitz

Alexander “CaddyShack” Abramowitz
Role Models: Walter Sobchak, Lebron James, Rick Santorum, Joseph Kony (Not Pictured)

Alex was born with an affinity for knocking things over and getting knocked over. Having broken a bone every year without fail since 3rd grade, Alex has sent the Abramowitz family on many trips to emergency rooms around the country. His favorite is the ER at Children’s Hospital in Philadelphia. If you stay happen to stay overnight, know that they make great breakfast, including blueberry pancakes made to order. Get the sushi in the cafeteria too. It’s great. These trips have been the product of various injuries including broken ankles, twisted testicles, and giant splinters in butts.

Will this trend ever change? That’s doubtful. At the time of this writing there is a piece of glass in his foot because he ran out of socks and cannot find his flip flops. The only solution is to stumble around barefoot on his non-calloused feet.

The nickname Caddyshack does not come from our hero’s resemblance to the great Rodney Dangerfield (RIP), but instead from his involvement with the Oberlin College Men’s Golf Team. Abramowitz was not a good student. Never earning a grade higher than a D+ in all his years in High School, his prospects at higher education never looked good. The man who had never previously played competitive golf duped both the Department of Admissions and Athletics into letting him in by promising scores never before seen by Yeomen golfers. The Oberlin golf team has consistently placed last in the conference, and has not taken any place except for last at any tournament in recent memory. The prospect of a freshman shooting in the mid-90s was too much for Elizabeth Houston, Director of Admissions, to ignore.

Once on campus, he quit the team, keeping all of the clothing and swag that they gave him. If he does not eventually turn it in he will not graduate. That said, he really (really) likes the adidas windbreaker.

Alex has played frisbee before it was cool and will continue to do so unless it gets too mainstream. He finds writing in the 3rd person almost as difficult as the 2nd. He kind of wishes that the nickname “Missile Dick” stuck. Above all else, Caddyshack prides himself on his good penmanship and his decision to live the straight edge lifestyle.

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